1. Life Updates You Didn’t Ask For: Hiking, Filming & Writing

2. PSA

3. Stat/Fact of the Month

4. Life - Spring Cleaning

5. Word of the Day

6. Relationships - Pick & Roll

7. Health - I’m ‘SICK’ of These Cancellations

8. Word of the Day Meaning

Hello there,

Welcome to the best month of the year. The REAL new year according to nature! I have bias of course. It’s my ‘birfday month’. How are you? How was February? How’s March going? Is it me or does time seem to be speeding up?

Alright…I think that’s enough with the small talk and exchange of pleasantries. I have a lot of things I want to share with you that I know will be of assistance to you. I’m slightly excited about what’s in this newsletter this go round. I’m just going to breeze through what I’ve been up to so we can get to the succulent and juicy stuff that has a high ‘Slurpablity Score’. Do you see how erotic some words can be?

Anyway.

Here are a few things I’ve been up to lately in picture format:

I’ve been on set. Playing some fatherly roles. I was hoping for ‘sexy male in a luxury car’ commercial but…it’ll happen…it’ll happen. Here is my commercial family.

I’ve been exploring Florida more with more dedicated ‘days off’ (I love what I do so I have to force my off days).

I found some nice hiking trails. Been on the beach. I saw police officers pull their cars on the beach to play football with some kids. Good vibes.

I’m chugging along on my books. Here are the covers again. We’re entering the editing stage now.

I like what’s been written so far. I really do. It’s like sculpting clay. I’ll keep you posted but these are moving along well.

This announcement isn’t public. It’s rather private. Actually it’s anonymous.

Helping people from all walks of life from so many different parts of the country and world is more than a profession for me; it’s a part of my life that I openly welcome and means a lot because of how much fun it is.

Since relocating, I’ve wanted to do something in a group setting where not only I can help others, but random strangers who have never met can help one another by offering solutions from an unbiased and different perspective.

Problem Solvers Anonymous (PSA) is a group I started where people can take their problems with them and walk away feeling resolved. Our first meeting took place on Sunday at Cypress Point Park in Tampa Florida. I’m still working out some kinks. Some people can just ramble about their problems (like oh my God…read the room!) and others are know it alls. But overall, it was a success! They’ll be running every other Sunday. If you know anyone in the Tampa area that has all sorts of problems, send them here. It’s a ton of fun even with the initial quirks:

👉🏿 PSA Tampa

As I was looking up some stats, I wasn’t all the way wrong saying March is the first real month of the new year.

-Prior to 150 B.C, March was the first month of a ten month year according to the Romans.

-For the wonderful people of Ethiopia, their new year begins…*shuffling notes*..it begins today! March 14th.

-Male vasectomies skyrocket by 50% the first week of March Madness. More than likely it’s the best time to sit on the couch and do nothing while in recovery.

Don’t you just feel a turning of the corner around this time of the year? More sunlight and the temperature is starting to increase. Doesn’t it make you want to look around and see what needs to cleaned, cleared out and organized from the Fall and Winter? I mean, they don’t call it Summer cleaning. It’s SPRING Cleaning!

Hold on one second. What else needs to be evaluated?

Your circles, the people you hang around and associate with.

January resolutions rarely work January because it isn’t the real start of the new year; March is (my bias is showing again).

The changes we make in March are external but they are birthed from the internal. It Something doesn’t feel right about the clutter. The color of curtains that need to be changed don’t look right because our sight and the other four senses communicate with our feelings. Seeing artifacts laying around from a from a past romance can evoke the feeling of moving on, causing us to remove it.

There’s a turning of the soil that occurs in March. A clearing out.

The same needs to apply to the people in your life and the connection that binds you to them.

Who inspires, respects and appreciates you with little to no conditions (with kids, there’s always a condition)? Who do you know right off the top of your head that leaves you feeling somewhat demoralized after interacting with them. You have ten seconds.

Who alters your mood and which direction does it usually go? This is the criterion we are going to use for this type of reorganization.

Who brings good and helps plant nurturing seeds in your mental garden? Who stomps around with their stupid knockoff Timberland (Jimberland) boots and tramples things and pluck, pluck, and picks flowers from it?

Who takes more than what they give and who does it by an astoundingly large margin? Who lacks the basic understanding of reciprocity? Who sprinkles a little doubt into everything that you say and do?

Who is always so moody? Who lacks consistency with those moods to the point you have to basically walk on eggshells with them because you don’t know which version you’re going to get? Who is clearly unreliable?

Who Interrupts Your Flow

This is where our Spring cleaning commences. It’s a mental evaluation of the connections we have with others.

Think about this with good thought for a moment; who makes you feel a little worse and how much access do they have to you?

If you created this beautiful garden with exotic flowers and rare herbs and someone just picked away at them and stomped on the rest, would you limit access to the person who did it? Would you put a gate up to protect this precious garden?

You know where I stand. I’m all about getting rid of people who provide no value. If you don’t have to have a connection with them, get rid of the rubbish.

It’s not that they’re rubbish. It’s just that the connection is ass bro.

Let’s be real here. The people who you haven’t felt great about that immediately come to mind after just ten seconds of thought should be deeply evaluated.

Now is the time. Here is your sign. Take a closer look at things.

We’re not here to waste time. We’ve got things to do but this time everything is a little different. Don’t you feel it? I know you do. You’re reading this email. Everything is different now. Now is the time to take a moment to evaluate who’s going to help you get to where you want to go (and who wants to see you get there) and who has been holding you back this whole time (who would STILL find a gripe even if you did get there).

Spring is a wonderful time to begin clearing out what no longer fits, makes sense or has been taking up unnecessary room. This is vital in order to make space for things that accentuate and add value.

One thing that is certain, what isn’t necessary and what adds value cannot exist in the same place at the same time. The old will contaminate the new. The is how it is with the relationships we have with certain people. Our space, our mental garden will never achieve it’s full beauty with things or people that only take away from it and trample it.

Maybe cutting people out completely is too much. That’s fine, but set up fences to protect your garden.

Set clear boundaries by having that talk

Either they’ll understand or they won’t. It must be done and you know it. If this conversation has been a long time coming, prepare for potential vitriol, tears, pleading and case stating. Protect your garden. Set up that fence by making your boundaries clear. If they don’t respect it, put up another fence to let them know you’re not playing because they will try to find ways to circumvent the first.

Clean, clean, clean. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Clean your space because it feels amazing afterwards. Evaluate your connections and identify the problematic ones. Remove who needs to be removed, set definite boundaries with the others who have bouts of amnesia when it comes to respecting you and who take far more than they give.

The word of the day for March 14th just wasn’t good enough so we’ll go with the 12th. Once again, I will use the word in the next section and see if you can know what it means based on how I use it. You may know the word already.

‘In Order To Have A Winning Partnership & Union, We Must Become Great Teammates With Singular Goals’

It’s not about winning MVPs. It’s about winning championships

One of the most fundamental plays in basketball describes how a relationship should operate. Some call it the pick and roll, setting screens or the two-man game (we’re talking in terms of basketball with that one).

What is the importance of this play and how does it tie into romantic relationships?

Let’s go through how a pick and roll works and then connect the dots.

1. The ballhandler looking to either pass or shoot who is being closely defended, calls their teammate over.

2. The teammate responds with vigor and stands in the place the ballhandler requested and then becomes rigid, interrupting the defender who is tracking the ball handler (setting a pick).

3. The ball handler is allotted more room thanks to their teammate who stood in the way of the defender.

4. Because of this room, the ball handler now has more room to work to either score or pass with greater ease. A win-win

The same principles should apply and here’s how:

Why does the ball handler call over their teammate to set a pick?

FOR HELP!

Sometimes we just need help. Sometimes we need support. Sometimes we need comfort. Sometimes we need affection. Sometimes we need understanding. Sometimes we need insight. While they can come from other sources, nothing hits the same if we get these things from our partner. It’s good to ‘call them over’ or communicate to them that we could use their assistance.

Now here’s the part where things get lost in translation; the sacrifice.

There’s one person who has the ball and their teammate must willingly take the hit from the defender in order to not only give their partner the mental space to operate but also for the overall betterment of the unit.

Sometimes we’re the ball handler. Sometimes we set the pick. Either way, it should be properly communicated and willingly done for the sake of WINNING TOGETHER!

Imagine playing basketball and calling for a pick and your teammate rolls their eyes in a persnickety way, or says, “I set a pick the last time. It’s your turn”, huffs at doing it or doesn’t bother doing it at all. You get a busted play and dissention between teammates on the bench. It takes the focus off winning and makes it about the individual differences.

In relationships, we must be willing to sacrifice if we are with someone we deem worthy enough to call partner and teammate.

What does your partner need from you? What have they communicated to you that would help them be happier and make life run more smoothly?

Setting a pick doesn’t have to be about giving up your body and taking the blunt force from another. Setting a pick is taking the pressure off your partner and that comes in a multitude of ways. Did your partner have a long day at work? How can you make things more comfortable for them when they get home? What have they previously communicated that would help? What do you know about them that would help create that ease and feeling of togetherness? Sometimes, ‘setting a pick’ is simply a reminder to your partner that you’re both in it to win it.

Reciprocating this without needing concise communication increases the connection. It’s good to care for someone knowing that it is reciprocated with ease and absent the huffing and puffing.

Here’s pro tip to take away from the pick and roll on how to boost the connection even more:

When an effective screen has been set and the ballhandler has room, many times over the one setting the screen becomes wide open (like the gif above). The ballhandler can then reward the screener (who also ‘rolls’ to the basket) for their sacrifice by passing them the ball, allowing for an easy and effective method of scoring.

In other words. If you are hungry after a long day and ask your partner to prepare a meal or if they heard that you had a long day and they prepare you a meal without your request, they should also be rewarded. An intimate, acknowledgement and showing of gratitude for their sacrifice. Because remember, anytime someone sets aside time for you, it is always a sacrifice of their time.

I figured now would be a good time to use this analogy with March Madness being a thing.

Pick and roll, pick and pop. Whatever they call it these days, it can be applied to relationships to boost the connectivity of it.

1. Communicate what you need from them that would be of assistance to you.

2. They acknowledge and complete the request. Now you have the energy and space to make the right decision or action moving forward.

3. Reward and acknowledge their sacrifice and remember that you should also be willing to ‘Set a Pick’ for them as well because it’s about the unit winning together.

Have you ever wondered why we’re here?

We’re born, then we feel out what’s the best way to live, right? Then we gain employment and that helps to define us. When someone asks another person about themselves, one of the first things they mention is their profession. It becomes part of our identity.

Whatever it is that we do, it’s important to remember it’s only part of what we do and who we are. We are human beings first (or so we’re told). Part of being human is having a physical body. While some of our jobs require us to be seated for hours on end, the body was not designed to be sedentary. The body was not designed to be exposed only to LED, fluorescent, orblue light from our black screens for extended periods of time. We are the first humans in the history of mankind to be exposed to these things. We are the lab rats folks.

Our bodies require movement and sunlight. It’s no coincidence seasonal depression arrives when we lose an hour of it and our days get shorter. Our bodies and minds respond to the absence of it. When we don’t move around and exert energy, we are more prone to have restless nights.

Now that it’s warming up, give thanks to the body you have by rewarding it with what it responds to best: Movement and sunlight. Let’s take a look at sunlight and why we should be getting more of it:

Improved Mood: Sunlight exposure triggers the release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter associated with mood regulation. This can help alleviate symptoms of depression and promote feelings of happiness and well-being.

Better Sleep: Exposure to natural sunlight during the day helps regulate the body's internal clock, promoting better sleep at night. Sunlight exposure early in the day can also help reset circadian rhythms and improve sleep quality.

Enhanced Cognitive Function: Sunlight exposure has been linked to improved cognitive function, including better memory, concentration, and mental clarity.

Skin Health: Moderate sun exposure can benefit skin health by helping to regulate oil production, reducing inflammation, and promoting the production of vitamin D, which is important for skin cell growth and repair.

Improved Digestive Health: Sunlight exposure can stimulate the production of serotonin in the gut, which may help regulate digestion and improve gastrointestinal function.

Enhanced Fertility: Sunlight exposure has been associated with increased fertility in both men and women. Adequate levels of vitamin D, synthesized through sunlight exposure, may support reproductive health and hormone balance.

Improved Eye Health: Sunlight exposure can help protect against certain eye conditions, such as myopia (nearsightedness) and macular degeneration, by promoting the release of dopamine and other neurotransmitters in the eye.

Regulation of Blood Pressure: Sunlight exposure has been shown to stimulate the production of nitric oxide in the skin, which can help dilate blood vessels and lower blood pressure. This effect may contribute to cardiovascular health and reduce the risk of hypertension.

Improved Dental Health: Sunlight exposure has been linked to increased levels of vitamin D in the body, which may have benefits for dental health. Vitamin D plays a role in calcium absorption, which is essential for strong teeth and may help prevent tooth decay and gum disease.

Enhanced Wound Healing: Sunlight exposure has been found to promote faster wound healing by increasing the production of certain growth factors and cytokines in the skin. This can help reduce inflammation and accelerate the repair of damaged tissue.

Long story short, if the sun helps plants grow on a cellular level, there’s probably some benefits that are useful to us. Two things our bodies are very good at

1. Telling us the truth about how well we’re taking care of it by just a simple mirror check.

2. Telling us what we need or are lacking once we pay attention.

If you’re feeling plagued by anything or feeling a bit off, get some sunlight and then come back with the same issues. Things will make more sense. Unless you’re in Seattle or the UK. I don’t how they do it with all those clouds.

That’s it! That’s all.

Thank you for reading this and I hope it was a help.

So let’s review:

1. Do some Spring cleaning with some of our connections.

2. When in a relationship that’s of value, sacrifices for the sake of each other should be done and reciprocated.

3. Get some sunlight.

See you in the next Newsletter and don’t forget; if you’re reading this, you are a friend of mine.

O’Neil Smile
Honest Friend Life & Relationship Consulting