1. Life Updates You Didn’t Ask For: Book Updates & You Forgot To Carry The One

2. Stat/Fact of the Month

3. Life - The Decider

4. Word of the Day

5. Relationships - Manifesto Pillar III: Individuality

6. Health - The Skin You’re In

7. Word of the Day Meaning

Why Hello There,

Welcome to the second half of May! Time has sped up. Thank you Hadron Collider! I’m kidding…but am I? 🤔

There was no newsletter last month. I was trying to focus on wrapping up a few books while getting caught up on the backlog of client notes that I, myself created.

And you know what? I’m still writing. But we’re on the final writing straightaway of…

This was supposed to be a quick writing piece but then I changed my mind. It’s only seven chapters. The book is less about informing and more about igniting thought. How much free will do you have? Do you live based on your own merit or are you quietly (and loudly) maneuvering through life based on the influences of media, religion & science, formal education, cultures, groups, individuals and environment? What is real?

Nuthin.

What’s real is based on influenced perspective and projected perception. Is the sky blue or were you told it was blue? Would a man or woman in the wild with no formal education deem the sky blue? How free are you? Free enough to choose your own name? The book points out the seven inputs of influence that govern our decisions, the fallacies of most mental illnesses, as well as artificial intelligence and its direct correlation with self actualization. There’s much more even though it’s only seven chapters but that brief teaser is what we call ‘seasoning the skillet’.

Nothing Is Real will be available on Amazon, Apple Books, Barnes and Noble and all other platforms August 17th 2024.

Now this book little book right here faced some setbacks but now it’s moving along and in the editing phase. The Relationship Manifesto Volume 1 will cover the first five pillars of ten. They are as follows:

1. Communication

2. Accountability

3. Individuality

4. Fitness

5. Devotion & Allegiance

Pillar three will be the topic of discussion in the ‘Relationship’ portion of this month’s newsletter. Expect this book to be available on all platforms July 19th 2024.

Anyway, I’ve been doing commercials for about 3 years now and for the first time I’ve seen the finished product. “Let me see that. You forgot to carry the one. You got this.” Those lines have been burned into my memory.

Did you know May was originally the third month of the year? Yeah…so upon further research, there was a rebellion in Rome and their senate decided to add two months because of it. Then I looked it up some more and found conflicting information that stated two months were added to align with the seasons for the sake of agriculture. All I know is that we follow what the Romans deemed as months as well as it’s changes.

See! Nothing is real! Everything is made up!

Another fun fact is that on Mother’s Day restaurants are at their busiest and it’s the second most popular day of shopping for gifts. The least amount of crimes occur on Mother’s Day. Least…there are still people bringing some ruckus on Mother’s Day for some reason.

Do you sometimes have points in your day where you think of a decision or two that you would love to take back? Does it sometimes snowball into the emotional weight of regret? Something that will help prevent the spiral is to take a moment and offer less attention on the decision and instead place it on the decision maker.

What was their (your) emotional state that day? What was the environment like? Were you impacted by others who viewed you as lesser? Was your energy low or negatively stimulated? There are so many factors that knowingly and unknowingly impact the quality of our decisions. There are also times where we flat out didn’t have the information and knowledge back then that we have now.

How is that same decision maker or ‘Decider’ been as of late? Are they doing ok? We get so wrapped up in the day to day, pouring our focus into the tasks at hand and the people involved that we can overlook The Decider, The Person, The You.

This sounds crazy but I don’t care because it helps:

Sometimes I’ll ask myself out loud, “So how are we doing?” and then I’ll answer the question honestly.

An impromptu and quick one-on-one self coaching call. If you haven’t done this, try it sometime…preferably in a private space. You don’t want any gawkers. But you can do it in public as long as you’re wearing earbuds. No one would ever know you’re asking yourself a question.

Asking that question offers a miniature pause, moment of reflection and helps uncover certain feelings that may have been festering throughout the day. When the question is asked, then answered and then worked through, a solution to the problem bursts through potential clouds of confusion.

OR NOT! Whatever man. Can’t always have the answers on demand…but be patient and know that it will come.

At least it was thought about and sometimes that’s the best thing to do in the moment. The solution will come even if it doesn’t arrive after a short checking in. And if that doesn't work, take the problem to bed with you and don’t go to sleep but instead continue the conversation during your quiet hours of the night. I promise, that is where you’ll get a clear cut resolution. Write it down, AND THEN go to sleep.

This one is pretty easy. Just look at it. I’m giving you a lay up this month because there’s less crime on Mother’s Day.

As always, I’m going to use it in the next section. See if you can figure out the meaning based on how it’s used.

‘A Beautiful Relationship Is One Where The Individual Is Welcomed, Encouraged & Celebrated’

As they say in the world of social media captions and the commentors who relate to posts: “THIS!👆🏿 ”

Take a closer look at the book cover of

The Relationship Manifesto: Volume 1

It’s a visual representation of Pillar #3, Individuality and it’s importance of maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Two individual towers with their own individual flame, connected by suspension cables that helps support the deck and bridge itself. Neither tower compromises the other.

__________

Do you know how special it is to be in a relationship where you can be yourself and it’s welcomed? It’s possible. The wrong relationship and a fear of being alone can obstruct it from manifesting.

Consider the fact that we have to wear different masks at our jobs and various social settings. The illimitable PURGATORY one must got through to put ANOTHER mask on for the sake of maintaining what’s supposed to be an intimate relationship.

This is what the kids call

Scarcity Mindset

The lack of belief that it’s possible to obtain something great and instead settling for less. Settling for the slim pickings.

Do you see that I’m trying to drive home a point?

Individuality, Manifesto Pillar #3 could arguably be the most important. There’s no greater barometer on the success of a relationship than the ability for all parties to maintain their uniqueness.

*Side note: This Pillar actually was inspired by a client who briefly spoke on the importance of being herself in her relationship. Thank you Shianne!*

Individuality makes the other nine pillars of a relationship easier. Communication, accountability and understanding is more seamless when we are able to let our guard down and just be. Intimacy is better, the desire to explore increases, eye contact is more frequent. Physical activity? That one is a toss up but devotion and friendship go hand in hand when the individual is respected, welcomed, nourished and better understood. Idiosyncrasies and all.

1+1=2. Yes. 2 divided by 2 comes back to 1. The individual, the independent tower of the bridge that is the union.

Something else that the book cover represents is the distance between the two towers. What bridge is sturdy when both towers are constantly all up under each other? There’s beauty in distance and separation when it’s grounded in both (or more) parties continuing on their independent journeys and then coming back together. It’s beautiful to miss someone, build the anticipation and then release together. Like a capacitor. A charge is built, stored and then discharged.

Like a bridge, both towers stand independent yet still connected and together. Individuality is the one thing that can save a relationship that still has hope. Improving the individual by separating and working to self improve independently, missing and longing for one another and then coming back together. It spices things up without the sex while simultaneously improving physical intimacy.

The bridge stands strong when the towers are separate yet connected.

I forced that image in there. I wrote something that related to it but deleted it. I just couldn’t let this one go.

One of the first things people notice is our skin. It tells a story. Does that person love to party hard? You can tell by their eyes, their skin and if they always wear sunglasses indoors.

Our energy, outlook, physical health and our skin house a fountain of youth or a puddle of deficiency.

I remember running to the store some years ago to get some ingredients I forgot for dinner. I wore slides, basketball shorts and a house shirt. As I was waiting in line, someone walked up to me and umm…informed me that they were praying for me.

Ok, thank you.

I didn’t really understand why they told me that until I got home and realized that my heels were unnaturally dry and ashy. Never again.

Here are some ways to keep your skin looking healthy that will keep the pity of strangers at bay.

Coconut Oil

Alright, before I begin I’d like to preface that I believe less is more. The more ingredients that are impossible to pronounce, the greater the probability of being part of a class action lawsuit down the road. Do you know why I love coconut oil? It has ONE ingredient. You guessed it

Coconut Oil

Extra virgin is the good stuff. It has a gentle sweet smell that just goes with any fragrance.

It also contains lauric acid which helps the skin lock in moisture and fatty acids (sounds like a contradiction). It protects the skin from UV rays and pollutants and it’s great for healing wounds as well. As great as it is, I wouldn’t advise putting it on your face. From my experience, I tend to get a pimple or two so more than likely it’s facial pore clogger.

Monounsaturated Fats

Trans fats aren’t invited to this conversation. You know, the fats that come from processed and fried foods. You can almost tell by a person’s skin who indulges in these types of fats.

Monounsaturated fats are invited though. You can find these fats in fish, avocados, dark chocolate and pistachios (avocado’s nut variant).

We can apply moisturizers topically but consuming them go a long way as well. Ingesting this type of fat helps maintain the skin's natural lipid barrier, aiding in retaining its moisture.

Sunlight

The most controversial topic. Do you wear sunscreen or do you not? I’ll leave that up to you but I do think what we consume and whether we are hydrated or not is something that doesn’t get discussed enough. Again, the ingredients the ingredients. What are the ingredients in sunscreen? what are the effects? Should I be expecting a letter in the mail informing me that I’m part of a class action lawsuit? I would never tell anyone to not wear it. The list of ingredients give me pause so I go back to my one ingredient baby, coconut oil.

The sun! It’s beautiful. I will say that since being back in Florida, there are some folks who definitely have been exposed to it for a very long period. I think it’s a case by case basis that everyone should feel out. Do you ever just say to yourself, “I need to get some sun”? That’s your cue. Again, moderation is probably the most important medicine for everything.

DID YOU KNOW

The sun's ultraviolet rays have antibacterial properties that help manage infections? It also stimulates melanin which is a natural protective barrier against UV radiation. So you need some sun in order to protect yourself from it.

I've seen some leathery folks out here who overdo it but when done right, the sun actually provides anti-aging effects by stimulating the production of collagen and elastin that both help maintain the skin's elasticity while reducing some fine lines and wrinkles.

Have you picked up on how much I reference the sun when it comes to health?

Other Things That I Didn’t Feel Like Elaborating On But Work

Vitamin C repairs damaged skin cells. There are serums out there but eating your Vitamin C is just as effective.

Manuka honey maintains moisture of the skin.

Massages improves blood circulation and lymphatic drainage and elasticity. Plus it feels better than getting a Botox injection.

Finally, the former trainer in me will always talk about exercise. It’s free! Plus the minerals in sweat when dried up provide minerals for hydration. The increase in blood flow sends nutrients to the skin and accelerates skin turnover keeping you looking younger. Sweat is also a collagen producer and skin exfoliator.

I told you it was an easy one. You’re smarter than you look. I think I’ll close with that backhanded compliment.

But don’t forget; if you’re reading this, you are a friend of mine and I’ll take the occasional playful dig.

See you in June!

O’Neil Smile
Honest Friend Life & Relationship Consulting